How to Virtue Signal | The Corbett Report

I know what you’re thinking right now: “What shopping bags should I use?”

And I know why you’re thinking it: because you just read that exact question in The New York Times:

And I know why you’re reading The New York Times: because you’re an up-and-coming would-be member of the coastal liberal establishment and you want to signal to other members of that tribe that you’re on their team.

And I know the mental pretzel knots you’re twisting yourself into trying to answer that NYT question. Paper bags used to be better than plastic because they’re biodegradable, right? But now they’re . . . not? Because of how they’re manufactured? Or something?

And I know why this question of paper or plastic bag is bothering you so much: not because you’re concerned about the environment but because you know your fellow coastal hipster trendies will judge you for your choice. You know there’s a right answer here, but you don’t know what it is! AARGH!

Yes, as it turns out, virtue signalling is complicated. But never fear! This week I’m here to provide you with the complete guide to virtue signalling for your tribe of choice, whether you’re a Bernie-cheering, woke progressive activist or a hopium-swilling, Trump-voting MAGA cap-wearer. With this guide in your hand, you’ll never have to worry about accidentally signalling that you’re on the other political team ever again!

And wait, there’s more! This guide has been UPDATED! with all the latest information for 2025 because, as you know, the last several years have seen some pretty wild twists and turns in the standard left/right narrative.

And I know what you’re thinking now: “I’d better subscribe to The Corbett Report so I can find out how to properly signal my (political) gang affiliations!”

Indeed!